Tough Day...
This entry was posted on 7/31/2009 9:35 AM and is filed under Extras.
Today was tough. I met with the Lions to review benefits, pension, etc. I know I’m lucky to even have these things to discus… but still it was difficult. Even more difficult was cleaning out Ricky’s personal items from his office. I was not prepared for this. I guess I just didn’t want to think about it.
I’m getting used to the loneliness. It’s the emptiness that is unexpected. I thought I would be overcome with memories and emotion. But I’m not… there’s just an emptiness and sadness. Even Wow-ee and Gidget feel it. They are usually bouncing off the walls by 6:00 am… Today at 11:30 I had to make them get up and eat. I guess this too will pass in time.
One of the things that Ricky struggled with the last few months was the feeling that he was failing in his promise to take care of me. This bothered him a lot, regardless of how much I assured him that he had more than lived up to his promise. To “take care” of someone can be defined in so many ways…the most obvious of which is in the material sense. But Ricky took care of me in a much more remarkable way… with a love that was all encompassing and unconditional. He continues to keep his promise as his love – which remains forever in my heart – has made me a better person.
The last promise that I made to Ricky was that I would be okay and that he didn’t have to worry about me. Today, I can’t tell you when I will “feel okay” or how I will do it. But a promise made is a promise kept and I will be okay.
Love to all,
Gael
